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Coping on Own

Depending on the relationship of the abuser to the child, and the severity and length of time of the abuse, a majority of victims tended to keep the knowledge of their abuse to themselves (Kogan, 2004; Ullman & Filipas, 2005). The normal outcome of such a resolve is the culmination of a process where they cope as best on their own, given their own personal resources, until such time as disclosure is considered necessary.

Prior to eventual disclosure, excluding the two participants who initially disclosed immediately following their abuses, nine females (90%) and eleven male participants (91.7%) coped on their own before they disclosed their abuses.Cindy thought that by sharing about her abuse, she would just hurt her parents, her cousin who attempted to rape her, and his family, “…it’s something that I have never talked to another person about.

It’s always been me dealing with it myself.” Edith confessed, “I don’t usually tell my parents anything, just keep it to myself. And I’ll try to reason it out myself.” Similarly, it never occurred to Clifford that he ought “…to say anything to anyone, because I thought perhaps one day I might get out of it.” Eddy tried to manage his abuse secrets on his own, until his obsessive-compulsive disorder became sufficiently severe for him to self-disclose his past to a counsellor.

Maurice, not unlike Eddy, engrossed himself in study until his obsessive-compulsive disorder brought him to the attention of his family physician where his sad past came to light.

Cognitive and Behavioural Avoidant Coping

Recent empirical research has suggested that the use of cognitive avoidance tends to increase the risk of psychological symptoms among adolescent victims and adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse (Johnson & Kenkel, 1991; Leitenberg et al., 1992). The desire to simply avoid or deny, and disengage from negative feelings and painful memories or emotional suppression, appears paramount not only in the initial attempts to cope, but remains the main coping mechanism through adulthood (Leitenberg et al., 1992).

Much energy is devoted to not remember or think about the traumatic events.

All females (100%) and eleven males (91.7%) reported using similar cognitive and behavioural avoidant coping frequently from the time of the abuse. Reasons for avoidant coping range from protecting self emotionally, desiring to not hurt or shame parents, shielding the abuser, to defending the status quo.

Six females (60%) and eight males (66.7%) who were identified by the SCL-90-R symptom profile as revealing a pattern and magnitude in the clinical range, used emotional suppression as their principal coping mechanism. As an adult, Adele’s flashbacks became unbearable to the point that she stopped listening to the daily news and reading the newspapers, because when she “…sees an article about sexual abuse, I’ll get very depressed, as I get emotionally very involved.” Cindy kept her attempted rape a secret for thirty years, and her disclosure as a result of this study was her first.

Her behavioural avoidance of male companions who were interested in developing intimate relations with her, “was an unconscious decision not to let any boy get near me, emotionally and physically…getting close …made me scared a lot. I just froze.” Correspondingly, when flashbacks occurred, Frazier would feel that it is “…..very painful, I will just try and focus on something else to distract my thoughts.” Ranjit cognitively knew that “…that’s not the normal thing a father does to his son.

I completely shut that thought out, and I refused to think about it. Neither did I talk to anybody about it. For twenty-six years, I kept it a secret.”

Coping with Alcohol and Drugs

The link between sexual abuse and later substance abuse or addiction is clear from studies by Briere and Runtz (1987) and Rohsenow, Corbett, and Devine (1988). Rohsenow et al. (1988) indicated that up to 44% of drug and alcohol addicts had been sexually abused, while Holmes’ study (as cited in Spiegel, 2003) reported that among males, 89% begin to use drugs and alcohol after the first episode of sexual abuse.

Two participants, one female (10%) and one male (8.3%), who regularly resorted to substance abuse, confessed that memories of their abuses and the ensuing emotional pain almost always culminated in drugs and alcohol use. Emilia recounted that the way she coped with stress, not just as a result of her abusive flashbacks, was to end up regularly abusing alcohol.

Likewise, Ranjit said that he popped designer party drugs from time-to-time, in order to numb his pain because he “…couldn’t resolve it. If I can just numb it for one second, I’ll go out and do it.”

Negative Internalising and Externalising Coping Mechanisms

Attributing blame, a negative reframing of the abuse, and minimizing the abuse fall into this category. Internalising mechanisms include making excuses for the abuser, like he was too young to realize what he did, minimizing the abuse experience, an unwillingness to cause trouble by reporting the abuser, and blaming oneself for the sexual abuse (DiLillo, Long, & Russell, 1994; Ullman & Filipas, 2005; Walker, 1994).

Statements coded in this group reflected aspects in which participants down-played the damaging aspects of their childhood sexual abuse. An externalising mechanism includes blaming others for the abuse (Wyatt & Newcombe, 1990; Ullman, 1997).

Four females (40%) and three males (25%) used internalising coping mechanisms for their sexual abuse experience. It seemed more females than males used this coping strategy. Cindy did not talk about her abuse by her cousin because, “he was just a child too.

He was only 14 years old...didn’t know whatever he did to me could have impacted my life.”Alicia minimized her own molestations in deference to her sister’s abuse, “…..it was the gravity of my sister’s situation compared to my situation.” In the same way, Clifford did not consider himself to have been abused, “…don’t think it was a victimization thing…he was going through puberty, and he was experimenting.

I don’t blame him for it.”

Four females (40%) and five males (41.7%) externalised blame, and reflected that the sexual abuse occurred due to their innate vulnerability as children. Several, irrespective of gender, blamed their parents for neglecting to protect them from those who had preyed on them in their own homes.

Adele’s anger at her parents’ neglect was vociferous, “When I was younger and was having headaches, my parents would not be bothered. My parents are the most bloody useless, neglectful people I have ever known. They were very careless…people.” Lean confessed that sometimes “I blamed my parents for not being there, for not being my protector, and letting these things happen.” Maurice still blamed his parents for his abuses, “My mother was irresponsible, and my father also… he worked and was never at home…they had failed to provide emotional support.” Three females (30%) and six males (50%) blamed themselves in one way or another.

Reasons for blaming themselves included suggesting that they must have allowed it to happen or to continue, as they did nothing about it, they enjoyed the attention initially and did not stop it, and they were too frightened to do anything about it. Daniella confessed, “I replayed those incidences, and then they made me feel guilty that I was bad, I had invited it.” Frazier mentioned that, “I thought maybe…..it must be my fault.

Perhaps something is wrong with me!” Some did not offer any explanations.

Emotional Release

Discharging or releasing feelings is another coping variation where negative emotions are kept from overwhelming the individual. Writing in journals, artistic endeavours, or talking ‘to get feelings out’ are some alternatives. The use of humour can also be especially effective.

Shouting or screaming and physical efforts, ranging from sports to self-mutilation, are further substitutes to release tension. Rage seemed to be a common phenomenon among survivors (Callaghan & DeLaMartre, 2003; Painter & Howell, 1999).

All participants (90% females and 100% males), except one female, had made references to emotional release as a coping pattern as benefiting them in some ways. Adele’s pitch increased several decibels when she recalled her abuses. “…don’t want to talk about it…very angry…feel like slapping him...killing him,” despite the fact that her uncle had died over twenty years ago.

Edith “hated keeping it inside” and kept a journal and did sketching. Her journaling were “…“very dark stuff”…like I want to feel like I’m dead.” Similarly, Jered would draw and paint deep into the nights, sometimes neglecting sleep, just to give expression to the negative feelings that had surfaced.

And Sidney would resort to playing his guitar or work out with his band whenever flashbacks of his abuses took place.

Symbolic control coping, usually an unconscious strategy, denote endeavours by an abused victim to master feelings of shame, weakness, or powerlessness by evoking them in others (Briere, 1992a; Gartner, 2005; Hunter, 1990a). This involves acting aggressively towards others in the expectation that causing them harm or negative feelings would make the abuse victim feel better, and in this respect, data has shown that men and boys incarcerated as a result of sexual offenses, are often more likely to have histories of previous sexual victimization than their non-victimised peers (Hunter, 1990b; Hunter, 1990c; Mendel, 1995).

Three females (30%) and two males (16.7%) said that they resorted to symbolic control coping intermittently. It appears that more females than males chose vengeance to mollify their own abuses. Self-harm became a part of Edith’s life, and she got into a culture among underground kids where this was encouraged.

Three times a week, she would willingly submit herself to “head-bangings, getting into a “mosh pit,” where everybody will be screaming a lot. It’s an angry place. Everybody will be kicking each other in the pit, beating each other…beat the shit out of everybody.

I’ll always go in there, grab guys and beat and kick them…it feels good…kick, kick, kick, scream.” Amos’ view was that he would attract men to have sex with them in order to punish them, “Men, sometimes I hate them, but without them I’ll die. I am very capable to turn straight men on…was revengeful…if they do fall, it makes me so glad.” Jered confessed that on one occasion, “when I was 11, I was particularly close to this other boy, about 7 years old.

I was alone in the room with this kid…made him sit on my lap…tried to touch his inner thigh. I did that only once. I knew that something was terribly wrong with me.”

Relevant material of my postgraduate thesis will be summarized in this blog over the coming weeks. Appendices, statistical tables, and bibliographical details are excluded.

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Coram Deo — before the face of God. This blog reflects on Scripture, world events, science, music, psychology, and the human mind — always through the lens of Christian faith. All of life is lived before the face of God.